Current or Former Romantic Interest of Nice Guy
You have been asked by a current or former romantic interest to answer some questions about him so that I can know and understand him more and how you see him so that I can support his transformation at the upcoming No More Mr. Nice Guy retreat.

Please answer these questions as best as you can from what you know of him. Thank you! -Eric

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Name *
Your answer
Email address *
Your answer
Name of romantic interest *
Your answer
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to feel again the way I did about my ex."
Prefers to go to sleep at home, to use separate blankets, or to sleep in a separate bed.
Reliable and consistent.
Tries to manipulate certain situations to make you more available/interested in her/him.
Hyper vigilant about your whereabouts.
“You know what, forget it, I don’t want to talk about it.”
Makes you feel uncomfortable for asking where the relationship is headed.
Can reach compromise during arguments.
Does his/her best to understand what is really bothering you and to address that blue.
You call, s/he calls; you say you have feelings, s/he says s/he has feelings for you (at least at first). Doesn't want to take chances.
Jokes about how lousy you are at reading maps or how "cute" it is that you’re roly-poly.
Plays games to keep your attention/interest.
Doesn’t make calculations such as “I already called twice, now it’s your turn" or “You waited an entire day to get back to me, now I'll wait a day two."
Talks about going abroad for a year without mentioning where that leaves the two of you.
After sleeping together, tells you how much you mean to him/ her (not just how good the sex was).
If you come home tired and don’t want to talk, interprets it as “You don’t love me anymore."
Plans are left unclear—when you will meet again, when s/he will move in.
Wants to make you part of his/her circle of friends. Might not initiate your meeting his/her family, but if you ask to meet them or invite him/her to meet yours, will be happy to.
Isn’t looking for a particular type of partner;, e.g.. a certain age or appearance.
Idealizes a past relationship but is vague about what went wrong.
Is certain its best to live in separate houses or not to get married.
Makes plans in advance and follows through. If can’t make it. Gives advance notice, apologizes, and specifics an alternative plan.
Emphasizes boundaries in the relationship.
When you say something is bothering you, responds “I’m sorry ..." without further clarification.
Has a hard time not making things about himself/herself in the relationship.
Is sure that dates are out to “hitch" him/her into marriage.
Phones when s/he says s/hell phone.
Uses distancing strategies—emotional or physical.
Sometimes calls a lot and other times not at all.
Stays with you for a long time but doesn't say “I love you.”
Doesn’t play games.
Seems distant and aloof yet vulnerable at the same time (which you find irresistible).
Describes someone s/he was once really interested in but after a couple of dates became turned off by because of some physical feature.
Pretends to be unavailable or busy.
Tells you if something is bothering him or her; doesn’t act out or expect you to guess.
When you’re not together, calls or texts a lot or doesn't call at all and waits for you to call (as a defensive act).
Acts distant and uninterested if you haven't called for a few days.
During a disagreement, needs to get away or “explodes.”
Values his/her independence greatly—looks down on dependency and “neediness."
Says something intimate like “When we move in together, but later acts as though you don’t have a future as a couple.
Has rigid view of relationships and uncompromising rules (which you must comply with).
At the end of a date, you go home to sleep. S/he goes home to hash out every detail with friends.
Fears that small acts will ruin the relationship; believes s/ he must work hard to keep your interest.
Doesn’t talk about how much compromise and effort a relationship takes.
Likes a great deal of physical contact (holding hands, caressing, kissing).
Doesn’t make sweeping statements like “All women/men want such-and-such” or “After you get married or move in together, they change on you."
Expects you to pick up from subtle cues that s/he is upset. (If this doesn’t work, acts out.)
Discusses plans, doesn’t like to decide without hearing your opinion first.
Doesn't like talking on the phone even if this is your main way to connect.
Flexible view of relationships.
Closeness creates further closeness (rather than distancing).
Fears that you'll stop having feelings toward him/her or will lose sexual interest.
"I could never be with someone who isn’t completely self-sufficient."
Goes through your belongings looking for evidence.
Sometimes the date feels like an interview for the “future husband/wife" slot.
Mistrustful—fears being taken advantage of by partner.
Naturally expresses feelings for you.
Is preoccupied with the relationship.
Tries to see whether you still have feelings for your ex.
Gets access to your password and checks your e-mail account.
Prefers taking vacation alone
Isn’t afraid you or other partners are trying to trap him/her into marriage, get his/her money, etc.
Communicates relationship issues well.
When you have a misunderstanding, is not too busy proving s/he is right to solve the problem.
Usually tells you early on how s/he feels about you.
Agrees to go on joint vacations, move in together, or spend all your time together early in relationship (although might not initiate it).
Asks a lot of questions about your past partners to assess where s/he stands in comparison.
Talks longingly about finding that one perfect person one day.
Has difficulty talking about what’s going on between you.
Suspicious that you may be unfaithful.
Doesn’t leave you guessing or try to make you feel jealous.
Had a previous partner for six years, but they lived in separate households.
You can tell that s/he thinks about the relationship a lot.
Wants a lot of closeness in the relationship.
If you have to work late when s/he has a party, interprets it as “You don't want to meet my friends.”
Sends mixed signals.
Expresses insecurities—worries about rejection.
After an emotional or revealing conversation, reassures you and is there for you. Doesn’t suddenly get cold feet!
Uses those three words “I love you" generously.
Let’s you set the tone of the relationship so as not to get hurt.
Certain topics are off-limits.
Fears partner will take financial advantage of him or her.
Makes plans that take your preferences into account. Doesn’t assume s/he knows best.
Makes you feel comfortable for asking about where the relationship stands or how s/he sees your future together (even if the answer isn’t to your liking).
Has a strong preference for a certain "type" of partner: very good-looking or very thin or blond, for example.
“I need a lot of space."
Doesn't want to invite you to his/her place, prefers to spend time at yours.
Has an unrealistically romantic view of how a relationship should be.
Acts out—instead of trying to resolve the problem between you.
Says things like “I called you so many times today. I'm afraid you’ll get tired of me" or “I really didn't present myself very well to your family, and now your family will hate me."
Threatens to leave during an argument (but later changes his/ her mind).
Doesn’t view relationship as hard work.
Is open to different arrangements—like moving in together, or joint versus separate hank accounts.
Unhappy when not in a relationship.
Cheated on a past partner.
Not afraid of commitment or dependency.
Doesn’t go back on promises. If s/he can’t keep promise—explains!
Doesn't express his/her needs but eventually acts upset about an accumulation of hurts.
Tries hard to please you.
Doesn't make his/her intentions clear—leaves you guessing as to his/her feelings.
Devalues you (or previous partners)—even if only jokingly.
Makes decisions with you (not unilaterally).
Gets up and walks out in fury.
Introduces friends and family early on.
"My work takes up so much of my time there’s no room for anyone serious in my life right now."
Is open to starting a new relationship even when circumstances aren't ideal (e.g., when work/studies take up much time).
Has difficulty explaining what's bothering him/her. Expects you to guess.
Makes you feel that “These are MY friends [or family]— keep out!”
Stays a stride ahead of you when you're walking together.
You can sense that he or she is desperate to find someone even if he/she doesn't say so.
Makes sweeping statements like "All women/men want such' and-such" or “After you get married or move in together, they change on you.“
How would you rate your level of overall sexual satisfaction with your spouse?
I wish my spouse and I would have sex:
My partner and I have sex HOW (position, fast, slow, sexual activity) I want to:
My mate and I have sex WHEN I want to (at night before bed, in the morning, at noon):
My spouse and I have sex WHERE I want to (on the bed, on kitchen counter, in the tub, on a chair):
My partner and I have sex in the kind of environment that I like (lights on, lights off, dimmed lights, romantic setting, quiet, outdoors, in the car, very private area, where we can get caught):
My spouse is sexually satisfied with me:
I feel that our sex life has the potential for improvement. (Do you agree with this?)
Has your spouse ever fulfilled your greatest sexual desire?
How sexually attractive do you find your spouse? (5 being highest and 1 being lowest)
How sexually attractive do you think you are to your spouse?
Are you satisfied with your marital sex life?
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