The Matrix of Self
A map of who you are—not what you do
What Is the Matrix of Self?
The Matrix of Self is a framework for understanding yourself across three identities: who you are as yourself, who you are in a we, and who you are as part of everything.
It asks: Are some of your potentials easier to reach as one of these than as another?
You might have strong boundaries with colleagues but collapse them with a partner. You might be deeply present with yourself but disappear in groups. You might give love freely but struggle to receive it. Or the three may feel much the same, and that's worth knowing.
These are patterns, and once you can see them clearly, you can work with them.
Three Identities
Their technical names are the intrapersonal, interpersonal and omnipersonal.
Within (Me)
Who you are as yourself: all your parts, and the Self that can lead them without ruling.
Presence here is load-bearing, the square the others lean on under pressure, and another person, or time under an open sky, can also bring you back to yourself.
Between (We)
Who you are in a we: a couple, a friendship, a family, a group. The we is an identity of its own.
For many people, potentials that are easy to reach as themselves fade the moment another person is present.
All
Who you are as part of everything: community, nature, life itself. Belonging to the whole, and purpose as part of it.
In many lives, this door has been shut for a long time.
Three Potentials
In each identity, three potentials can be open to you, partly open, or blocked. They're explored in depth on the Power, love and presence page.
Power
The capacity to act, set boundaries, say yes and no.
Love
The capacity to connect, care, receive warmth, belong.
Presence
The capacity to witness, to be aware of what's actually happening.
The Nine Squares
Cross three identities with three potentials and you get nine squares, each one asking a specific question about what's available to you.
| POWER | LOVE | PRESENCE | |
|---|---|---|---|
 WITHIN | Can I reach my strength as myself? | Can I feel held, and grateful to be here? | Can I see what is, inside? |
 BETWEEN | Does my strength stay online in a we? | Is real depth available in a we? | Am I present in a we? |
 ALL | Can I act for the whole? | Do I belong to the whole? | Can I see the whole? |
How the Squares Connect
One Living System
The nine squares are connected, like threads in a web or pieces of a hanging mobile. Touch one and the whole thing moves.
When power wakes up in who you are as yourself, power in the we stirs too.
Within, and the All
Presence within is a foundational square, and it can be a wormhole into the All. Settling deeply into your own center can open into everything. The door swings the other way too: belonging to something larger can bring you home to yourself.
Why This Helps
A common experience after therapy, meditation or coaching is insight that doesn't lead to lasting change.
Often the work happened in one identity while the pattern lived in another.
The Matrix can also help find where the Dominant Mindset—the inherited operating system most of us absorbed without choosing—may have blocked access to some of your potentials: control standing in for Power, transaction for Love, distraction for Presence.
How the Work Feels
The parts of you that are struggling, angry, hurt, exhausted or defended, can be met with curiosity, and in time with Love.
In practice, much of the Love here is compassion for the parts. When Self leads, there's room to see clearly, to hold a little space, and to meet what's found without judgment, and something can soften.
These parts have been working hard, often for decades. They developed for good reasons. When they're met with warmth, the grip they've been holding can ease.
This way of meeting parts comes from Internal Family Systems.
Within
Our cravings, our grief and our aversions all live as sensations in the body. Below some threshold of presence with ourselves, they push us away from ourselves; above it, the same discomfort can draw us further in. I made a short free course about this, called Within.
Start WithinGo Deeper
If you want help working with any of this, you can book a free 30-minute discovery call, to see together whether this approach fits.
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